life & such || update

life is beautiful. Of that I am most certain. It is also rough & I know that fact extremely well. When I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was be older. To become a woman, to become someone amazing & have life be absolutely perfect. See, back then my mind was blind to the reality that age does not bring with it new perfectness to life. I thought in my childish mind that getting older was all you accomplished In life, you got older, became cool, found a man, & batta bing, your life was made. Little did I know that growing up was not just a day by day farewell to childhood. Growing up is heathy, everyone does it. It's uncontrollable. But it's what we as humans do with the process of growing up that matters most. I've gone through days completely & totally consumed about ideas of my future. Being a special girl to a handsome boy, getting married and having the perfect wedding, being a mother to precious children..& all those things are wonderful! But I was not focused on the present. My mind was so Entangled on my dreams, that I forgot that I would never be that age again. These realities are hitting me harder & harder As these days slip by. I must learn every day more & more how to live completely & totally in the now. Basking in the beauty of today. Taking special notice of the little things like birds that perch on the tree outside my bedroom window, the creek of my bed as I greet the morning which God graciously gave me. It's those little, precious things that count most. Next Sunday, February 24th, I'll be sixteen. It's so exiting yet so crazy to think about. It seems like yesterday that I was running around doing leaps in my living room pretending I was the bestest ballerina in the world, begging my mother to let me cook with her, I would spend hours just laying on my bed thinking about random nothing's. & being ridiculously silly. Because I could be completely childish. For I was a child. I'm a woman now. Jesus has matured me & showed me the beauty of love, passion, music, and grace. I am so incredibly thankful for the blessings he has poured out on me. I deserve nothing, yet he faithfully lavishes his loveliness on my weary heart.